EMBRACING SINGLEHOOD - THE KEY TO TRUE HAPPINESS

The goal of every man is to stay in his relationship either as a single man hoping to get married soon or as a married man who wants to stay with his wife till forever. The divorce rate in our society shows that not many men can actualize this goal of theirs. The rate at which relationships breaks shows us that many men do not have the needed wisdom to make a woman stick to them and eventually take her to the altar.

The statistics show that 50% of marriages contracted in the United States eventually breaks up or lead to a separation. The more marriages you have had in the past, the higher the chances of getting a divorce. About 70% of people marrying the third time get a divorce, about 60% of people marrying the second time go through a divorce and about 40% of all new marriages end up in a divorce. The statistics show that marrying another lady does not insulate you from another divorce.

Let me suggest another alternative to you whether you had just been through a breakup or a divorce. The secret is to master the principles that make for a happy single living. Singlehood becomes boring and difficult when you are not armed with the knowledge to navigate that phase of life.

DEBUNKING MARRIAGE MYTHS

 Marriage has been surrounded by many myths in our culture which affect many men and women. The culture makes divorce looks like a failure in life; friends and families can begin to treat you as an outcast and some don’t even want to associate with you, some estimate your worth based on how well you can keep a man or a woman. But, divorce or breakup is a fact of human existence and if you care to know, good people also break up or get a divorce.

 

Divorce is a soul retrenching experience that nobody should go through, it at times leads to a wastage of resources both physical and emotional. Divorce can even affect your financial status and some social institutions will not accept you any longer. Marriage or a successful relationship should not be a yardstick to measure the value or worth of any individual because its success depends on another individual who has their peculiar desires, want, and challenges. Your worth as a human being is based on the fact that you are a human, your achievements, and other things you have ever done in your life. 

 

Every human soul must aspire to achieve happiness by dreaming bid dreams and the privilege of the human soul to achieve this noble task. Stand up from the debris of shame and regret, it’s time to move on, forget the past, and focus your attention on creating a life you deserve- a happy life.

 

There are several things people use to help them move on from past hurts and heartbreaks such as porn, drugs, alcohol, and pills amongst others. This exit strategy sounds easy but it does not lead to a new life that you deserve.

 

 The principles highlighted in this book are not gimmicks or easy-to-do kinds of stuff but they are principles anchored on the truth that will help you move on appropriately and face the future with the needed strength and vigor to achieve.

 

MARRIAGE IS NOT THE PATH TO HAPPINESS

One of the fundamental reasons why people find moving on difficult is to believe in the notion that marriage brings happiness. There is no magic happiness in being married. The happiness experienced in a marriage is dependent on the happiness of the two individuals coming to form the marriage union.

 

Marriage does not create automatic happiness if you have not mastered living happily single. This expectation of happiness in marriage leads to a rude shock to people and they think experiencing a marriage means they are no longer going to be married. Stop that! Your happiness must be derived from your identity and not from someone else being in your life either as in the case of a marriage or a relationship.

 

It is false to think marriage will create happiness for you. You have to create happiness for yourself and you must learn to do it as a single. The quality of life that you have created for yourself is what should determine how happy you are.

Principle 1: LEARN TO ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPENED

A great mistake you can make is to keep fighting what has happened. Sometimes it looks like a dream and you can’t even believe it’s happening to you. You have always dreamt of the happily ever after but here you are, you just signed the documents or you just got to know that your partner is no longer interested. Face the truth, it has happened to you, and learn to accept that fight. Trying to fight it is sheer self-denial and it will not help you. It’s time to embrace the future.

Principle 2: ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE

Divorce can lead to losing a family you have spent your entire life with. Grieve; allow yourself to cry. Release the emotions and don’t just bottle them up. You need to be honest with yourself and let those feelings out when you feel those tears welling up.

You are not weak because you feeling the pain and you couldn’t control the tears. Crying does not reduce your manliness; men also cry and it is okay. It is a destructive cultural lie that a man should not cry.

Grieving can even be in cycles and it's part of the healing process you need to move on from a breakup or a divorce. You have to let go of the beautiful memories you have shared with your partner because they are not going to come back again.

 

Principle 2: LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

The past is gone and it won’t come back again but many times the memories linger on. The first step in moving on is to forgive yourself for what happened. Don’t dwell on the past. Now that you’re divorced or broken up the blame game is of no value again.

Who did what, who cheated on who does not matter any longer, and who initiated the divorce or break up is no longer needed. The longer you stay in the past, wallowing in rage and hatred, the more difficult it becomes to break off that cycle and move on with your life. The more you discuss it, the more you relive the memories and the more you get glued to the past. Stop living in the past and focus on what will happen in the future.

It is easier to forgive other people than ourselves as humans but you need to forgive yourself.  You were not that a terrible husband or boyfriend, you just had a divorce or breakup.

Principle 3: TRADE YOUR PAST FOR THE FUTURE

Whether you were the cause or not, the divorce or breakup has happened to you. Much more lies ahead of you that you cannot afford to dwell on the past. Let go of the past so that you can embrace the future.

 

When you look into the mirror, see the dreams and aspirations you have always wanted to achieve and where you have gotten to. It is time to channel all your energy to achieve your set dreams and objectives. Let this be your motivation and drive to make you rise from the past.

Principle 4: HAVE SELF IDENTITY

Self-identity is the valuation you place on yourself based on true values and worth and not someone else opinion of you. The reason why a breakup or divorce hurts so much for a lot of people is that they draw some form of identity from their marriage, opinions of others, and cultural expectations. Your identity is how you see yourself asides from being in a relationship or dating successfully.

 Your life is not better just because you share a roof with a man or a woman now. Your identity should come from who you are. You are smart, you are beautiful or handsome, you have a good relationship with other people; friends, colleagues at work, and family members. You are a good person, look at the things you have accomplished so far and draw your sense of identity from that and not just the emotional connection you share with someone.

Principle 5: EMBRACE WHOLENESS

Wholeness is your responsibility. Emotional dependency means you depend on other people to make you feel good about yourself. You need them to comment on your beautiful shape before you know you have a good one. This disposition makes your happiness to be on a roller coaster and will be dictated by another person. You will be happy when he or she comments about your new hairdo or not. Do not let any man or woman have this level of influence over your life.

 

Embracing wholeness is a fundamental principle of living happily single and moving up from break up and divorce. If you have this emotional dependency, break off that dependency. Look into the mirror and see how beautiful you are. You don’t need another person to tell you this truth, hearing it from another person will just serve as a compliment.

 

This dependency comes from our emotional backlogs from our parental love during childhood. Lack of unconditional parental love makes a lot of people seek acceptance and validation from other people. If find yourself in this condition, let me tell you a truth today; you will never find wholeness in another person. Never seek completion in another person. Wholeness as a single will be fundamental to your chances of finding true happiness.

Principle 6: HUMAN BEINGS ARE FALLIBLE; DON’T EXPECT TOO MUCH

One of the greatest sources of disappointments in human interactions is unmet expectations. Many people have a fantasy of how their love life will be which is majorly colored by the movie industry and the romance novels a lot of youths grow upon.

The happily ever after expectations, a partner that will make me the best person or will make me happy or will be my better half as it is used in the Christian circle. These unmet expectations create unhappiness as many people fail to find true happiness in their relationships.

 

Human beings can fail; human beings can change depending on circumstances. Expecting a partner to be your source of happiness is a risk no one should take. A healthy relationship involves two happy people enjoying their happiness together either as a married couple or in a romantic relationship. If anything happens, your sense of happiness would still be intact.

Principle 7: WAVE OFF SOCIETAL EXPECTATIONS

People tend to expect certain standards from others that are difficult even for them to keep. Humans have this tendency to be hypocritical and judgmental of others who are going through problems that they don’t have an idea of. They expect your marriage to be a perfect one and nothing must go wrong. If something goes wrong then you should be blamed for it.

 

This is one of the reasons why people stay in a toxic marriage or even find it difficult to move on after divorce. Getting rid of these expectations from society helps you to own up to the fact of what is happening around you and in your life.

 

Principle 8: Stopping finding ‘THE ONE’

There is this idea in the mind of a lot of people about ‘the one’. The one is supposed to be a partner that would just come into your life at a time and all things will be sorted out for you. ‘The one’ is that partner that will come into your life and bring so much excitement and joy alongside. Divorce means you are no longer to be with the one which could be a source of unhappiness for a couple but I would like you to know this; the one is a social construct of a kind of personality.

 

Letting go of such a person may be a difficult task but one doesn’t exist in reality. You are expected to be the one who will bring joy, happiness, and excitement into your life. There are many people out there who will fit into your life perfectly so don’t wallow over this divorce. There are many ‘the one’ out desiring to meet you. Be the one for yourself. Don’t think you are going to die when you lose a girlfriend or a wife, you will not die